A Time for Change.

It's been awhile since I've posted something, and I feel like I should get back into it. Typing all of this helps me relax and puts my focus back to where it should be.

This semester of school I've realized a lot of things about me, and I have an ideal image of me of who I want to become. Of course, in achieving my goal, I will make mistakes. I will mess up. I will get depressed, maybe cry, maybe do somethings that I'll regret. But that's the part that makes me grow stronger. When I'm vulnerable, and miserable. Being in this states helps me realize this is who I don't want to be. It is my duty to pull myself out, and become more qualified of my ideal self.

 I think this is why I feel like I can connect with people so easily about deep, life experiences. I don't want others to be miserable, stuck in a state where people dwell on the past. Or the future. I know there are a ton of people that have gone through much more than I have. However, the negative feelings I've personally felt and experienced others shouldn't have to. People deserve to be happy. I need to make people happy for my sanity. 

I know that I've messed up. I know that I've hurt people. I know that I may have ruined a lot of potentially good things. But I can honestly say that I'm grateful for it. I'm grateful to know that there is room for growth. And time for change. I'm grateful to understand my mistakes, and to know that this isn't who I'm supposed to be. I'm grateful for God in my life, who has been there by my side always, and has never left me. Even when I didn't put Him first in my life, I have always been His priority. I'm grateful for this experience. To learn, and to grow, and to change. I just hope that one day, someone will realize how far I've come. And not focus on the negatives that I've done. 

But for now, all I can really say is

I'm sorry.